Dreams 5/13/10

   I always dream, but I never remember my dreams. The past couple of nights have been an odd exception though. Now for some reason i’m remembering all of my dreams and theyre becoming more real and much more graphic. The night of the 13th I went to bed at about 10:30. I usually go to bed about this time almost every night, but sometimes its later depending on the movie i’m watching or the the book i’m reading. This was the first night that I actively began to remember my dreams in incredible detail. Note, I often remember my dreams, but its always in bits and pieces–kind of like a slideshow with missing slides.

The first night’s dreams…  I was in the old house that I grew up in. I felt out of time, like I was a visitor. I walked down the main hallway and into the living room. There in the old grey and cigarette burned chair was my dad, like he always was. As soon as I saw him I exploded into a fit of rage. I told him “You need to go, you are no longer welcome here and we were all tired of your bullshit. Your negativity and complete disrespect for evryone in this house”. Then like a scene from a time travel movie – I was in the drivers seat of an old RV my dad used to own. In the passenger side seat was my dad, just like the way he was the last time I saw him. I had a complete change of attitude, it was like days had passed but I knew he was just in his recliner. I told him,”Dad I forgive you for what you did, but we are all better off without you here. I know we had a big argument three days before you committed suicide, but I don’t regret any of it. You put all of us especially mom and myself through so much. You need to leave. I need to find closure and with you gone everyone is much better off.”. He then told me, “It was your fault and I will never leave!” Just like good ole dad, he didn’t just say it–he yelled it. Then I woke up. When I awoke, it was as if he was right there. Before I had went to sleep that evening, I had the strange feeling that someone was watching me. Even as I write this I find myself looking away from the screenand just looking into nothingness. The dream still has me bothered because it felt so real. I don’t know what to think! The next dream I had that night was a bit more complicated and like the dream of my dad, this one felt wickedly real as well!

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